Mrs. Jones' 5th Grade Class
Student News
"All the News that's Fit to Drink"
 Class Rabbit Gives Birth to 500, Class Thought it was Boy
Mrs. Jones wins Handwriting Contest, Cries Like Infant
 
Class Llama Escapes Through Portal in Time
 
Science Project Blows
 
Substitute Falls for "Mrs. Jones Never Gives Homework on Friday" Bit, Principal Dies Laughing
 
Class Rabbit Gives Birth to 500, Class Thought it was a Boy

 
Chicago, IL (AP)  Yesterday, at exactly 1:30, our pet rabbit, Peaches, gave birth to 500 cuddly, adorable bunnies.  It only took us 13 hours to decide upon their names and to tag them accordingly.  If you are looking to adopt one of these cute little bunnies, we are looking to get rid of them, er, find a warm and loving home to place them.  After the exhaustive birth process we sat down and talked to Peaches about the experience:

Jones' Class (JC):  So, you just gave birth to 500 babies, how do you feel?

Peaches:  Well, to tell you the truth I'm a bit unnerved.  Doc told me I was going to have only 499 babies.  I'm just afraid that the extra bunny will be a burden on the rest of the  class.

JC:  I wouldn't worry about that, Peaches.  I'd be more concerned about that guy standing behind you wearing a plaid hat and wielding a gun.  Hey, let go of Peaches!  What are you doing to Peaches?  Oww, that looks like that hurts.  Someone turn off the tape recorder!

-John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt






 

 
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Generic Elementary School | 404 Generic Boulevard | Chicago, IL  60101 | (773) 555-1234 | jones@cuip.uchicago.edu